This is how gay men kill their relationship

I have come across many gay men who have a really good idea about what they don’t want in a relationship. Mostly they have more than one experience which have influenced their ‘don’t wants’ list for relationships.

Some men also have a checklist, either mentally or written down about what they want in their partner and because of the checklist they stop moving towards someone they are interested in because one negative aspect in a past experience is enough for them to decide that they don’t want to explore further, sabotaging future potential relationship.

Whatever way you decide you want in a relationship, you may be consciously or subconsciously sabotaging a potential intimate relationship. So what are the elements that lead to “killing” an existing or could kill a potential relationship?

• Not trusting the other person but continually testing their loyalty and honesty by checking their phone for messages, calls & emails
• Focusing on the past relationship  and not focusing on intimacy with your partner
• Being defensive, critical and blaming the other rather than taking responsibility for their part in a disagreement
• Not allowing the partner, their independence in the relationship – always having to do everything together – making statements such as “You don’t love me”
• Not expressing what they want due to fear of rejection
• Low self – esteem and low confidence by always putting themselves down and being ‘less than’ others’ attitude
• Using sex as a form of intimacy without emotionally connecting
• Differences in communication styles – “I’m emotional you have to also be one”
• Being controlling rather than being spontaneous
• Expecting to be rejected like you may have been by your family and friends and then re-creating this in current relationships