Everything must be flawless, the report you submit at work, the way you present yourself, the smallest detail in your daily routine. You double-check, revise and push yourself harder, convinced that if you make one mistake, people will judge you or lose respect. What feels like high standards on the surface is often something more difficult underneath: perfectionism rooted in low self-esteem.

In counselling, I worked with Michael (name changed) who described how exhausting this was. “I spend hours rewriting emails before sending them,” he admitted. “Even after my colleagues say my work is good, I only see the mistakes. I cannot relax because I always feel like I am not good enough.” For Michael, the pursuit of perfection was not about pride in his work, it was about fear of failure.

Perfectionism may look like discipline or dedication, but it often comes at a painful cost. The inner dialogue usually sounds like: If it is not perfect, it is worthless. If I fail, everyone will think I am a fraud. I cannot make mistakes because mistakes mean I am not good enough. These thoughts turn effort into pressure and achievements into disappointments.

Instead of building confidence, perfectionism quietly drains it. Every success is overshadowed by the belief that it could have been better. Every mistake becomes proof that you are inadequate. Over time, this pattern leads to stress, burnout and even procrastination, as the fear of failing to be perfect prevents you from starting at all.

There are ways to begin loosening perfectionism’s grip. One helpful strategy is shifting from outcome to effort. Instead of asking, Was it perfect? try asking, Did I give my best within the time and energy I had? For Michael, this meant setting time limits for tasks instead of endlessly reworking them. He learned that done with care was better than perfect and unfinished.

Another practice is celebrating small mistakes as learning moments. Perfectionism teaches us to hide errors, but in reality, mistakes are how we grow. A missed word in an email, a slightly uneven detail in a project, or a less-than-perfect presentation does not erase your value. Instead, it proves that you are human and still capable of moving forward.

Perfectionism may disguise itself as strength, but it steals your confidence and joy. Letting go of the pressure to be flawless does not mean lowering your standards—it means choosing balance, growth and self-compassion over fear.

You do not have to carry this alone. Support is available, and taking the first step can change everything. Visit www.drkaranvirsingh.com and book your free 20-minute session today.