You hear the request and before you can even think, the word “yes” slips out. You agree to cover extra work, help a friend when you are already exhausted or attend an event you do not want to go to. Later, you feel drained and frustrated, wondering why you could not simply say no. For many people, this struggle is less about politeness and more about self-esteem.

In counselling, I once spoke with Sarah (name changed) who admitted, “I feel guilty every time I say no, so I end up saying yes to everything. Then I am overwhelmed, but I cannot bring myself to stop.” Her words revealed what many experience: the belief that declining a request makes you selfish, unkind or unworthy of love.

When self-esteem is low, boundaries become difficult to set. The inner voice often says: If I say no, they will not like me. If I set limits, people will think I am selfish. If I put myself first, others will be disappointed. This fear makes it easier to say yes in the moment, even when it leads to resentment and exhaustion later.

The impact of weak boundaries reaches every part of life. At work, you may take on too much, leading to stress and burnout. In relationships, you may feel taken for granted or invisible. Over time, always saying yes erodes your sense of identity, because your choices no longer reflect your true needs.

There are ways to begin building healthier boundaries. One effective strategy is practicing small no’s. Start by declining low-stakes requests, such as skipping an event you do not enjoy or turning down a task that is not your responsibility. For Sarah, saying no to a minor favor at work was the first step in realizing she could protect her time without losing respect.

Another helpful approach is reframing what boundaries mean. Saying no is not rejection or selfishness, it is self-respect. Boundaries are a way of valuing your time, energy and wellbeing. Just as you would respect someone else’s limits, others can learn to respect yours.

Struggling to say no is not a weakness. It is often a sign that self-esteem needs nurturing and boundaries need practice. With support and guidance, it is possible to build the confidence to say no when needed and to create relationships that are healthier and more balanced.

You do not have to carry this alone. Support is available, and taking the first step can change everything. Visit www.drkaranvirsingh.com and book your free 20-minute session today.